“A Man and His Dog”

March 24, 2021

Honestly…

WATSON: I can’t believe you just drank that in front of me.

ME: What do you mean? You just had your dinner.

WATSON: That’s not the point.

ME: I’m afraid you’ve lost me.

WATSON: The point IS, it’s rude to drink that in front of me.

ME: Maybe what’s RUDE is you staring at me every time I eat or drink anything. What do you think of that?

(Pause)

WATSON: I’ll take it under advisement.

ME: Appreciate that, thanks.

______________________

Subscribe for posts to go straight to your email inbox!

Next Stop, Fear Street

Bristol, PA. – 2021

HATE HAS NO HOME HERE!

That’s what the yard sign said. (A little aggressive with the all caps, I thought, but point made.)

So, I had a few questions:

“Where does Hate live, exactly? I mean, if it doesn’t live with these folks, here—and I’m sure it mustn’t—where does it rest it’s weary head at night?”

“If Hate is around—I mean, when it comes around, you know—what’s Love doin? Sleepin or somethin?”

“Wait…Is Hate a noun or a verb? If it’s a noun, how come I can’t actually pin it down to something—to some *thing*?”

“Doesn’t it always seem like Hate is doing something? Something stupid?”

“What’s the opposite of Hate? Is it Love?”

Okay, hold on. First of all…

Hate is not the opposite of Love. Hate is Fear, trying to pass itself off as something it’s not.

It’s Fear, having a hissy fit, thinking it’s really something special and important.

It’s Fear, disguised as that feeling of lack that moved in one weekend years back and squatted in what started out as a one-room flat in the basement of someone’s heart, before beginning to annex rooms and then floors, as it got fatter and more comfortable bossing someone around.

It’s Fear in a big, puffy-shirt costume, showing up and saying, “Please refer to me as Hate, from now on. Oh, and I’m the boss of you.”

It’s Fear, dressed up to look like Hate walking around. But the puffy-shirt costume is really the Emperor’s clothes, and Fear is thinking no one can see the truth of it all, what its costume is really made of.

“WE CAN SEE YOU, FEAR! Hello! You’re not fooling anyone! We can see right through you! All day!”

“The Seagull” – Assateague State Park Summer 2021


Fear is like an actor who becomes this amazing character on stage. The audience loves the character and totally gets caught up in the drama. As a result, the actor gets the great feeling of being somebody during the two-hour performance.

But when the play is over and this actor goes out into regular life, he still stays in character, still plays the part.

On stage, when the actor lives as the character, that’s amazing. In real life, it just becomes weird and pretty sad, honestly.

“I mean, who do you think you are?”

Fear thinks it’s the most important character of all time, and everyone should experience the inevitability of having to play it.

But, Fear is wrong. Fear is nothing. It is no thing.

Hate is not the opposite of Love. There is no opposite of Love, because Love is never NOT present. (that’s right—a double negative! Fearless!)

Love never fails.

Not because of a “promise;” Promises get broken. Love isn’t a promise; Love is what is.

A great poet once said, “Love is love is love is love is love…”

He went on to say more, but it’s those words that get stuck playing over and over in my mind, like a skipping record that keeps playing the best bar of your favorite song again and again.

Love is, love is, love is, love is, love…

(The commas do something to it. The pauses…time for contemplation.)

Love is what is. Hate is not what is not. There is no not.

Hate is just Fear, acting out and performing badly.

It’s time to stop giving Fear the stage time. It’s never a good show.


Peace to you.

“A Man and His Dog”

March 17, 2021


WATSON: YOU GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KNOCK YOU OUT! I WILL SLAP YOU INTO A PAST LIFE!! I WILL TAKE YOUR LUNCH MONEY AND BUY YOUR GIRLFRIEND A HEALTHY SNACK!!!
ME: WATSON!!
WATSON: what?
ME: What the hell are you yelling about?
WATSON: I’m protecting the house.
ME: From what?
WATSON: From the dogs in the neighborhood and any intruder who comes along. But, specifically, this one dog—who isn’t here anymore, but he was just here a minute ago—who came walking right up to the glass! I was like, “DUDE!”
Then, I showed him what’s what, when I gave him what for.
ME: You told him off, did you?
WATSON: We had words, you could say, yeah.
(Pause)
ME: You were talking to yourself.
WATSON: Sometimes it feels like that, doesn’t it?
ME: No, I mean, you were literally talking to yourself. Your reflection. The glass door is closed; no one was listening.
WATSON: Closed, you say??
ME: Yes, and you know it was. Would you like me to open it so you can repeat your warning to the other dogs and would-be intruders out there?
WATSON: No, I’m good. I’m due on the end of the couch in, like, five minutes, anyway.
(Pause)
ME: Did you say, “I’ll buy your girlfriend a healthy snack”?
WATSON: I think I must have blacked out right before that.
ME: Ahh
————————
Sign up for free to receive posts straight to your email inbox! (Look to the right, on this page.)

“A Man and His Dog”

March 10, 2021


ME: Hey, buddy! What’s up?
WATSON: Just wanted to say thanks for the gift.
ME: You’re very welcome, my friend. I know you love the bull penis.
(Pause)
WATSON: Did you just say “bull penis” to me?
ME: Yes, you love them. What do you think you’ve got in your mouth right now?
WATSON: Uhhh…rawhide?
ME: Ha! No, that thing’s made out of—
WATSON: Yes, I get it! Thank you!
ME: What? You don’t like it now?
WATSON: Well, you could have let me keep thinking it was rawhide. What is it you say? “I don’t need to know how the sausage is made?” Don’t you say that all the time?
ME: Well, not all—
WATSON: Now I have to go bury this in the couch and pretend it’s rawhide when I find it again at Thanksgiving.
ME: Sorry, Dude.
(Pause)
ME: Boy, you’re really not going to like the cow patty I got you, then.
WATSON: Oh, come on!!


———————————
Look to the right on this page…(sign up to receive every new post straight to your email inbox, because you don’t have enough to do, am I right?)

“A Man and His Dog”

March 3, 2021

WATSON: Come on, man!
ME: No, dude. No means no. Now, stop asking or you’ll be going to your mat until I’m finished eating.
WATSON: Why won’t you give me some of your meatloaf?
ME: Because it’s MY dinner. You have your own food.


(Pause)
WATSON: Okay, I’ve got an idea. How about you eat my food, and I’ll eat yours?
ME: Why would I eat your food when I have this meatloaf?
WATSON: That’s what I’M saying!!
ME: Go lie down.
WATSON: Aww man…


——————————
Join us every Wednesday! Follow this blog (to the right, on this page!), and we’ll come straight to your email inbox!