“A Man and His Dog”

March 17, 2021


WATSON: YOU GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KNOCK YOU OUT! I WILL SLAP YOU INTO A PAST LIFE!! I WILL TAKE YOUR LUNCH MONEY AND BUY YOUR GIRLFRIEND A HEALTHY SNACK!!!
ME: WATSON!!
WATSON: what?
ME: What the hell are you yelling about?
WATSON: I’m protecting the house.
ME: From what?
WATSON: From the dogs in the neighborhood and any intruder who comes along. But, specifically, this one dog—who isn’t here anymore, but he was just here a minute ago—who came walking right up to the glass! I was like, “DUDE!”
Then, I showed him what’s what, when I gave him what for.
ME: You told him off, did you?
WATSON: We had words, you could say, yeah.
(Pause)
ME: You were talking to yourself.
WATSON: Sometimes it feels like that, doesn’t it?
ME: No, I mean, you were literally talking to yourself. Your reflection. The glass door is closed; no one was listening.
WATSON: Closed, you say??
ME: Yes, and you know it was. Would you like me to open it so you can repeat your warning to the other dogs and would-be intruders out there?
WATSON: No, I’m good. I’m due on the end of the couch in, like, five minutes, anyway.
(Pause)
ME: Did you say, “I’ll buy your girlfriend a healthy snack”?
WATSON: I think I must have blacked out right before that.
ME: Ahh
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Author: Scott Langdon

Scott Langdon is an actor and writer living just outside of Philadelphia in Bristol, Pennsylvania with his wife, Sarah, and their dog, Watson. Before the Time of Covid, he could be seen on stages throughout the professional Philadelphia theater community or writing in a local Starbucks, where the only way they could get rid of him was to tell him there was a pandemic. He has a hard time knowing when he's not wanted.

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