I don’t like myself much when I’m not able to run

bwrunner1I haven’t run in three weeks, not a step.  I’ve been suffering from vertigo.  I’ve been dealing with that for over a year now, so I’m not really sure why it’s got me down lately.

In fact, I went to the doctor about it (finally!…I know, I know).  She gave me some meds and told me to up my vitamins, so…

The thing about the vertigo is that it comes on so randomly.  I can never predict when I’ll have an episode.  It only lasts for about ten seconds every time and I can feel it coming on, but it’s just so random.

When vertigo strikes, it comes out of nowhere.  I could never put my finger on what was causing it.  At first, I thought maybe I was dehydrated, so I drank plenty of water and it still happened.  Randomly.  Then I thought maybe I was just looking at my computer screen for too long, but that wasn’t it, either.  Maybe the new vitamins will work.  We’ll see.

I don’t like myself when I’m not able to run.  I think what happens when I stop running for too long is that I start drinking more.  I start drinking more and writing less.  I start drinking more, writing less, and feeling depressed.

That’s what happens when I stop running for too long.

I had been training pretty hard for the Philadelphia Marathon but had to withdrawal because of the vertigo and the lack of down-the-stretch training.  That hurt, having to withdrawal.  I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own body; I couldn’t tell it what to do like I’ve been able to do pretty much my entire life.

I’ve been on the vitamins for a few days now and I don’t feel much different, but I haven’t had another episode, so there’s that.

I’ll get back out there, maybe later today.  Will something bad happen?  Will I have an episode in the middle of a run and have trouble getting back home?  Maybe.  But if I don’t try, I won’t ever know.  What I do know is that I’ll drink too much, write too little and feel too depressed about things I know I can’t control.  I don’t like myself when I get like that.

I don’t like myself when I’m not able to run.

I’m a fan Fridays!

vertigoWell, it’s been quite a week!  We closed “Spamalot” at The Media Theatre on Sunday, and now I’m in full on preparation/panic mode for my one-man “A Christmas Carol” that goes up in two weeks at the same theater.

I’m a bit bummed because I’m going to have to withdrawal from this year’s Philadelphia Marathon.  I’m sad about that because I’ve really worked hard.  Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering from BVVP (aka Vertigo!), and I haven’t been able to put in the miles over the last couple of weeks that I’ve needed.

It’s been more than a little scary the past few weeks, as this condition is no respecter of where you might be and/or what you might be doing when it comes on you like “a bad lobster in a dark cellar” (not exactly sure what that means, but it’s my favorite line from “A Christmas Carol!” Suffice it to say, vertigo happens very suddenly and with very little warning).

It came on me twice while I was on stage and, needless to say, it freaked me out.  The first time it happened, I almost fell into the orchestra pit.  Luckily, I was headed off stage at the time and made it to the wings. Believe me, nobody wants to fall on top of the brass section!  They get upset about stuff like that!

I’ve got some medication and we’ll see what happens, but let me tell you, it’s no fun at all.

So, in honor of this condition that has me spinning, I give you a scene from a classic film, with a classic score and one of my favorite actors.  Enjoy!